vampires assistant

I wept inside at this movie. It was just horrific, i do not know why i even bothered watching it. In all honesty i watched the beginning and was all ready pissed off! As usual they turned an amazing book and turned it into a family oriented mess that deserves to have the director hit across the face with a wet fish a few times and then make him read the book. Because i highly doubt he ever did skim any of it before deciding I KNOW LETS FUCK IT UP ENTIRELY. Because this moron messed up it up so entirely there will apparently not be a second movie! Of course i am glad due to his total cock up the first time, who knows what he would have done for the second one, god there would have been flying pony's instead of the ravaging killer scene.

Now why was only the beginning pissing me off? 15... Darren is NOT 15/16 whatever they said he was. IN the book or at least what i believe considering i know people see things in books differently
, i believe he was about 12, him and his friends were, it was about young children finding scary and odd happenings. not 15//16 year olds just going through puberty and trying to work out there life by becoming a vampire and having a great old time about it! playing a game boy in the coffin! REALLY. no mater what age you would shit yourself if you were in a coffin, and why would someone put a game boy in the coffin at all really? The fight scenes were half assed, all blocked out by fast running which didn't happen and that was just plain lame. Oh yes i lost him by making him get hit by a lorry.. .really. come on. Not even at the climax of my rant yet people, ye it gets worse.

So we go to cirque de freak, all the freak are uber friendly not scary at all, oh and did i mention evra is a band groupy.... really. God my faviourite character and they put a shirt on him made him 4 years older then he's supposed to be at that point and put a guitar in his hands, BECAUSE THAT IS SO COOL. not. I wanted them to play on the fact evra is a snake! I expected awesome contacts and creepy movements with odd habits and in the book he is very friendly but in the movie nope they made him the total jackass of the movie... great. So with my favorite character ruined and my brain cells rapidly dieing we get to climax of my rage.

THAT MONKEY GIRL. My god, arteries in my brain must have exploded at this point when she appeared. They got rid the innocent little girl darren hangs with that is a direct link to the next part with a mutated girl with a monkey tail and his LOVE INTEREST. The best part of darren shan is the main plot is not all about LOVE THIS and LOVE THAT and he did this for LOVE. He became a vampire because he was a young idiot, he got the little girl who was innocent had no idea nearly ripped to pieces by the vampaneze not because He loves her because they were friends and he was a little kid who was lonely and depressed. They just upbeat everything, it is a very dark story and if they kept to it i really think it would be a great hit. I mean when he died steve did not start shouting in the middle of the funeral because he didn't know, he had an idea but he was smart.

Another thing that annoyed me, yes steve was supposed to be a troublemaker however in the book it clearly states HE LIKED THE TEACHER. He did not kill the teacher and steve does not reappear for a while because its an important climax for the next few books. We don't know he's a vampaneze and it should have stayed like that. It is ment to focus about darren!

Though he was too old i liked the actor that played steve and i liked the actor who played the vampaneze, they got the look right for him. Evra no, mr crepsley was a good interpretation i did like his actor very comedic and that was impressive in a serious situation now just put a decent script to it. The main character of darren was like justin bieber with even worse hair, he was just too happy go lucky not scared, not sad. You have been taken fro your parents, you are being dragged up a wall SHOWEMOITON DAMN IT.

phew i feel out of breath just writing this. Did i miss anything? hmm oh ye MR tall was awesome. perfect person i think, other then that the freaks were lame. The bearded lady was pretty but psychic...really? it wasn't needed. it ruined the surprise attacks and stuff, not to mention gave away the story before it happened. Also finally the spider was dumb ok, it looked ridiculous not realistic enough to really creep you out and make you shiver.

I have made it a goal to rewrite this script myself due to the horrificness of it. Obviously this is all my own view and if you don't agree... well tell me and i'll be happy to argue with you ^_^  Anyway i'm done now, i feel a lot better. So hope you enjoyed reading.